I started to clean the pot in the kitchen when the Sleazy waiter came from behind and opened a cupboard.
Sleazy waiter said, “Here are the tea bags and sugar. Put two tea bags, four spoons of sugar, and one quarter of a lemon.” He showed me a heater and some pipe with a gauge on it. He said, “You put this heater into the pot to make tea and attach this thermometer to the side. The rod goes in the water. Be careful, at 60 degrees turn it off.”
I asked, “Aren’t we going to boil the water, like up to 90 degrees?”
Sleazy waiter replied, “No. The pot would blow up from steam.”
I was confused how an open pot can blow, but didn’t care enough to go into a debate with him. Sleazy waiter reached down on the floor and pulled out two cases filled with old, deformed plastic bottles that were covered with greasy brownish fingerprints on the outside and black mold spots on the inside.
Sleazy waiter said, “These are for the water from the engine room and later for the tea that you bring to the crew. You take that door…” and pointed to the engine room door.
I just finished washing the big cooking pot for tea and said, “I know, motorman showed me.” I slightly pushed the Sleazy waiter so I could pick up the two cases of derelict bottles.
As I reached for the bottles, Sleazy waiter said, “Fine.”
I picked up the two cases and headed down to the engine room. The steps to the engine room were very steep and narrow, but at least straightforward. I barely managed to slowly walk down On the middle platform of the engine room, I looked around and saw the engine control room to my right. Through the glass, I could see the Huge Motorman waving at me. In front of me, there was a big engine that was very loud.
Huge Motorman came and shouted in my ear, “Come on, follow me.”
I followed the Huge Motorman to the left side where a boiler stood between two emergency generators. He showed me a tap on the bottom and said in my ear, “Fill the bottles here.”
I shouted, “How does it work?”
Huge Motorman said in my ear, “It uses sea water. When it evaporates, the salt stays down and the steam is then cooled back to water in this boiler.”
I shouted, “It will be hard to carry all this up those stairs!”
Huge Motorman nodded and tapped my shoulder a few times before leaving. Soon, he returned with two buckets. He placed the bottles inside and lifted the bucket a few times to demonstrate how to carry it. I nodded, and he left again.
I stayed behind to fill the bottles very slowly, as the tap was stingy with water. I had to carry the bottles up the stairs multiple times. Although it was easier with the buckets, it was still impractical due to the narrow steps.
It felt like hours had passed until I filled the big tea pot in the kitchen. I heated it to 60 degrees, added two tea bags, four spoons of sugar, and a quarter of a lemon. I tried the taste, it was awful. I added two more tea bags and four more spoons of sugar. It was somewhat better, but it needed more sugar, so I added more until the taste was fine.
Bosun Lemmy came in and said, “Is it finished? It’s almost coffee time.”
I filled the bottles with tea and said, “Yes.”
Bosun Lemmy said, “Ok, we’ll be waiting in the coffee room. You will see it near the entrance on the starboard side. There is a door to the left.” Bosun Lemmy left.
Soon after that, I walked to the coffee room on deck. As I approached, I saw Chief Officer John arguing with a deck mechanic. Nearby, there was a slim, tall man wearing small overalls, with his legs and arms sticking out far. On his overalls, there was a tag “OS[1].” He had long, dark, unbrushed hair and a half-grey beard, looking like an old biker. His face was rugged and framed by his untamed beard. His eyes, a piercing shade of blue, seemed to hold a wealth of untold stories, glinting with the sharpness of a seasoned cowboy. His sun-kissed skin bore the marks of countless days spent under the open sky, weathered and tough like leather. He lit a Marlboro cigarette with his Zippo lighter, exuding a raw, rebellious aura.
Bosun Lemmy leaned out from the coffee room and shouted, “Come on, Marlboro Man, it’s coffee time.”
The slim, tall man smoking Marlboros joined my walk to the coffee room.
I asked him, “They call you Marlboro Man?”
Marlboro Man looked at me from above like some badass dude and said with a deep voice, “Yeah. Ships and tags. They say I look like a true cowboy. ‘A walking commercial,’ they say.” He shook his head and took a drag of his Marlboro cigarette.
As we reached the coffee room, Chief Officer John said to Bosun Lemmy, “Bosun, coffee time has passed. It is strictly from 10:00 to 10:15.”
Bosun Lemmy moved closer to Chief Officer John and tapped his finger on the chest tag of Chief Officer John.
Bosun Lemmy said, “My boys will get their 15 minutes of coffee time, whether it is 9:15, 10:15, or 11:15… I don’t care.”
Chief Officer John said, “The company policy is clear.”
Bosun Lemmy moved his head into the face of Chief Officer John and said, “You are not taking coffee breaks from us. Now leave. You are not welcome here during coffee time.”
Chief Officer John slowly walked away with his head down. I gave the crew bottles of tea.
Bosun Lemmy said, “Jack, go on the bridge wing and bring one bottle to the AB on watch.”
I said, “Sure.”
I took one bottle and reached for the door when Bosun Lemmy said, “Jack, you have to take the outside stairs. Did you forget no one is allowed on the bridge except officers?”
I took the outside stairs to the bridge wing. There was a strong, muscular man leaning on the fence, scratching his groin. He was shaved with short, stylish black hair. His face was strikingly handsome with hazel eyes. He had a strong jawline and high cheekbones, which gave him a chiseled, sculpted look. His smooth, tanned skin reflected a healthy, active lifestyle. His smile was both disarming and genuine, with a hint of mischief in his eyes.
I said, “Hi there, Bosun told me to bring you this.”
The AB, took the bottle, and said, “Great, kid. I’m so thirsty; this sun is killing me, but it beats rain and snow.” He drank some of the tea and said, “Damn, kid. Did you make this? This is good.”
I said, “Yes. I’m new deckhand Jack Tanner.”
The AB shook my hand and said, “Well, hello Jack. I’m Silver; they call me Stallion.” He smiled.
I said, “That’s a strange nickname.”
AB Silver said, “In every port, I go out with some hookers. It is my duty to please myself, kid.” He grabbed his groin and said, “After long trips, these balls are ready to explode. I need to relieve the pressure. Jack, do you like hookers?”
I said, “Hmm, not sure. Didn’t really go. Waiting for that special one.”
AB Silver laughed and said, “There is no special one. They are all the same, like their brains are made on an assembly line. Believe me, when you take them doggy style, you don’t see if she is beautiful or ugly.”
I said, “You probably have a lot of stories.”
AB Silver said, “There was one hard nut. She always wanted to cuddle and no sex, never wanted to take her knickers off. One day, I just moved her knickers and slid in. She didn’t complain… no boy…. Once, I even managed to get into a bar for famous people. I stacked a lot of one-dollar bills and rolled them inside a twenty-dollar bill. The bouncer probably thought there was a lot of money in there. Inside, I saw a few famous actors and ended up in bed with an elderly actress. After, she even left me money. Get sex and make money—that is something I could do. There was also that strange hooker that I used to visit regularly. She always squeezed my balls when I came… Didn’t get that.”
I said, “Maybe she was checking if they are full.”
AB Silver said, “Yeah, could be… don’t wait for some special one, kid. Here is an example. I was helping my friend take his luggage to a ship, and as soon as he departed, I slept with his wife.”
I said, “Some friend you are.”
AB Silver said, “I never say no to free sex. Too bad this Captain is on board. The last one would approve hookers to stay on board while we are in port.”
I said, “For real!?”
AB Silver nodded and said, “It was awesome. They would sit in the TV room. After your shift, you would just pick one up. There was one young and beautiful one, boy she loved to fuck. Can you imagine, after one week, no one wanted her, so I gave her pity sex.”
The 3rd Officer opened the bridge door and said, “Silver, stop talking and do your security round. You too, deckhand, go to your post. If the Captain sees you lingering about, you’re toast.”
I walked down with AB Silver and said, “I heard no one is allowed on the bridge. That’s strange!”
AB Silver said, “It’s from the stone age. During any weather, even storms, ABs have to be on the wing because they can see or hear something.” He laughed and said, “As if we can see better than a radar. Bollocks, kid, just bollocks. And I have to move from wing to wing on the outside, doing patrols. This is a modern ship, not some medieval sailing ship. See you later, kid.”
We went our separate ways.
I returned to the coffee room and said, “Just met Silver. He said you call him Stallion.”
Everyone laughed, and Huge Motorman said, “He gave that nickname to himself, stupid gigolo. One day his dick is going to fall off.”
Marlboro Man said, “The sex machine… His pickup lines are dumb. Come on, let’s swap some tongues.”
Huge Motorman said, “I used to ask him all the time: How’s it hanging? But he never got the real question.”
Marlboro Man said, “The real stallion was that Bosun with four nuts.”
Bosun Lemmy said, “Four nuts, that’s impossible.”
Marlboro Man said, “Ask anybody from the old crew. He couldn’t sit for long because his balls would start to hurt and swell, so he was always on his legs… One time a hooker said: I expected balls, not rocky mountains!”
Huge Motorman said, “It’s true, that one was a potent stallion. But the best one was when they found the Chief Engineer dead in his quarters with his dick in the inflatable doll, it stayed up. The doll was ugh awful, and the waiter was furious, cleaning that room.”
Marlboro Man said, “I would just burn the room.”
Huge Motorman said, “You remember that friend of Silver, he was also a fool like Silver. One day he met a gorgeous lady and they got together.”
Marlboro Man said, “The one that pissed in the sink?”
I said, “Pissed in the sink!?”
Marlboro Man shook his head and Huge Motorman smiled.
Huge Motorman said, “Wait, let me tell the story. It turns out she was rich as hell, big villa, sports car. He left the ship and after a few months he popped up again on crew exchange. We asked what happened. He said: ‘It was all fine until one morning she caught me pissing in the bathroom sink. She went furious and ran me out of the house. I still don’t understand what the fuss was.’”
Everyone laughed. Bosun Lemmy said, “What an idiot. Ok boys, time is up, let’s go to work.”
Everyone went to work and time passed.
It was lunchtime and everyone gathered in the messroom. The Big Cook came in and looked around. With his arm, he counted how many people had their own food. I followed him back into the kitchen and noticed a bone that hung above the soup. It looked older than the ship, and it was even questionable what type of mammal it came from. After I gave out the soup, I had to pour the leftovers back into the pot. Then he gave me ham with skin and bone on a plate to start giving to the crew. The thing was just thick skin, grease, and bone, almost no meat. When I gave that thing to Bosun Lemmy, he went furious.
Bosun Lemmy shouted, “What the fuck is this! How are we supposed to work all day with this? He can eat this shit.” He took his plate and went into the kitchen.
There was some arguing between him and the cook until the Captain also came in and said a few words. Bosun came back, threw the plate on the table, and went out. The ham fell on the floor. The Captain showed himself in the doorway. He was a skinny, bald old man with thin lips and a slightly crooked nose. His skin was smooth and pale. He stood hunched forward, as if suffering from back pain.
Captain Balding said, “If I hear one more time anything rufus about food, you can pack your bags and go home, all of you.”
Everyone was quiet with their heads down.
Captain Balding said with a strong voice, “Did I make myself clear?”
You could hear some voices, “Yes, sir.”
“Yeah, Captain.”
Captain Balding slowly turned and walked into the officers' messroom.
I said to the crew, “Why are you so afraid of him? He is just an old man.”
Neanderthal AB said, “He is the Captain, brother.”
I said, “So what. I learned on the last ship to first value a person, and then if he is worthy of his rank, give him the utmost respect. But if he is scum, give him none.”
AB Silver said, “Just shut up, kid. You don’t have a family or kids like the rest of us.”
Marlboro Man said, “Kid, has a point. Why are we eating this trash with our heads up our asses?”
Everyone argued, and someone threw a plate against the wall. Soon Captain Balding showed up in the door, and in an instant, there was peace and quiet.
Captain Balding nodded his head and said, “Lunch is over. Go back to work!”
Everyone went their ways with their heads down like sad dogs that drift around. It was my time off and I went to sleep until dinner time. That hammer noise above my bed just crushed all my dreams away. Soon it was dinner time; I didn’t manage to sleep even for a minute.
As I entered the messroom, someone said, “Life is a multidimensional creation.”
I sat down on my seat, and it was Deckhand Eric's turn to serve dinner. The Big Cook counted again who brought canned food for dinner. The old crew was all stocked up, just us new guys looked at each other like we were doomed. Neanderthal AB was seated across from Bosun Lemmy and he gave 1 can of pâté to Bosun Lemmy.
Neanderthal AB said, “This is for your nerves, brother.”
Bosun Lemmy pushed back the pâté and said, “No thanks. I can’t take your food.”
Neanderthal AB pushed the pâté back and he smiled. There were no teeth in his mouth, just a graveyard. He said, “You’ll need it. We don’t want you going to prison for killing the cook, brother. Take it.”
Deckhand Eric came in with plates of food. On the plate there was 1 raw egg and half of a burnt potato that was raw in the core.
Neanderthal AB chuckled with his tongue stuck where teeth should be and said, “I always wondered how the potato can be raw. First, he cooks it in the water for four hours, then he bakes it in the oven for four hours and it is raw inside but black outside. You must be a magician for this. I never figured it out.”
I wasn’t amused. I scraped the potato for anything edible and said, “Maybe he is just using too low temperatures.”
Neanderthal AB chuckled, “This kid is onto something.”
Bosun Lemmy said, “I’m afraid to think what he will cook for tomorrow.”
Neanderthal AB said, “Lunch is random, brother, but dinner is always the same: one raw egg and half of a cooked, baked, raw potato.”
I took 1 slice of that wooden bread and went into my cabin for some sleep.
[1] OS – ordinary seaman
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