Deckhand Eric and I ventured out into the city while the engine crew fixed the port gangway. We stopped at a local pub and ordered a few drinks near the bar. Deckhand Eric was on my left. As I looked at him, I saw a stampede of girls racing towards us. Eric saw the expression on my face and didn’t even get the chance to look over his shoulder before the girls grabbed him, laughing.
One of the girls shouted, “Come on to the bathroom.”
There were a bunch of them. They lifted the confused Deckhand Eric, making it look like he was crowd-surfing at a concert, but instead, he ended up in the bathroom. As I turned to follow him, one of the girls firmly placed her right hand on my chest to stop me. With her left index finger, she wiggled it sideways, signaling me not to go. She walked away, turned her head to smile and wink at me before disappearing into the bathroom area.
I raised my hands up to my shoulders, grabbed my head, and said, “What the fuck is going on!”
The bartender leaned in and said, “Hey man, relax, they are bachelorettes. One of them is getting married, so it’s a party; they won’t hurt him.”
I relaxed, placed my arms down, and said, “Oohh, I see. Just never seen that before.”
The bartender said, “Some of them have their customs; they will probably take off his panties.”
The laughter of the girls burst out from the bathroom as they ran into the center of the pub. The one in the middle waved white underwear with a brown spot on it around her index finger. They all screamed and laughed. The rest of the pub joined in, pointing fingers at the brown-spotted panties. Deckhand Eric emerged from the bathroom area with his head down and walked over to me.
You could hear some comments and laughter from the people in the pub, “There’s the guy who shit in his underwear!” “They scared him alright!” “He needs a clean pair of shorts!” “Hey brown boy!”
Deckhand Eric said, “I want to leave.”
I just nodded, and we left the pub. One of the girls caught up to us and said, “Hey, don’t leave. Stay with us. We already said we mean no harm. It’s her last day as a free woman. Come on, the drinks are on us.”
Deckhand Eric looked at the future bride, who waved his brown-stamped undies, and said, “It’s ok. We’ll be on our way.”
The girl chuckled and said, “Ok then. Tell you what, Eric, to make it up to you, I’ll call my girl Cindy, and she’ll give you a lap dance. OK? Just go to this strip club and ask for her.” The girl gave us a piece of paper with an address written on it. Deckhand Eric just nodded, and the girl kissed his cheek and left us.
I looked at her as she happily walked back to the pub. I asked, “What happened in the bathroom?”
As we walked down the street, deckhand Eric confided in me, “It was a groupie. Their hands were all over me, and in a second, I was naked. They took my panties and laughed. Then one of them said something about the bride getting married. My brain was frozen. I couldn’t think or listen clearly. Then, as they all kissed me on their way out, I felt completely overwhelmed.”
Eric scratched his head, looking bemused, and added, “Those stupid panties. I should have worn the other ones.”
I saw a taxi passing by and flagged it down. Once it stopped, I handed a piece of paper with the address of the strip club to the driver. “Could you take us to this address?” I asked,
The taxi driver replied, “Sure, hop in.” The taxi took us to the strip bar.
At the entrance, I pointed out deckhand Eric and said to the bouncer, “Cindy is expecting Eric.”
The bouncer made a quick call on his mobile phone and said, “There's an Eric here for you. OK.” Tucking his phone back into his pocket, he gestured for us to follow him.
He led us into the strip bar, where topless women mingled with regular customers. The bouncer pointed at a table and said to me, “Sit here.” Then, turning to Eric, he added, “You, Eric, come with me to see Cindy.”
I sat down, and the bouncer nodded to a topless waitress, instructing her, “Give him some jelly shots.”
The topless waitress replied, “Sure thing, darling.”
The bouncer and deckhand Eric disappeared behind the curtains. A topless waitress approached me with a couple of small glasses filled with a solid, colorful substance that reminded me of gummy bears. “Here you go,” she said.
I took one of the cups. She leaned in closer, acting strangely as she moved her chest towards me. Peering inside the cup, I wondered, ‘What is this?’ I eventually tipped the cup to see if the goo would fall out.
The topless waitress chuckled.
I looked at her and asked, “What is this?”
The topless waitress said, “It's a jelly shot. You have an accent; you're not from here, are you?”
I said, “No, I'm a foreigner.”
The topless waitress smiled, leaned towards me, and said, “Then you probably never used jelly shots.”
I smelled the jelly shot and detected a faint hint of alcohol. “No, I don't even know what this is,” I admitted. “Some sort of alcohol that you eat!?!?”
The topless waitress smiled and turned my chair slightly. She sat on my lap and used a napkin from her waist pouch to clean her nipples. Her nipples took a firmer form, and she said, “Here, give me your hand. I'll guide you the first time.”
I looked at her, confused, as she smiled from ear to ear. The topless waitress took my hand with the jelly shot and placed the cup on her nipple. She rotated it a bit, and you could see the jelly inside loosen up. She moved the cup to my mouth and urged, “Take the shot. Come on, open your mouth. That's it.” She tapped the glass and poured the jelly into my mouth. It tasted like some sweet gummy bear with a pinch of alcohol. The topless waitress smiled and said, “Okay, big boy, now you can do the other one.”
I picked up the other glass of jelly, used it on her other nipple, and ate it. She smiled and passed her index finger over my cheek. We stared at each other for a moment, and she looked at the bartender who eyeballed her.
The topless waitress sighed and said, “I’m not allowed to sit here in your lap, but you can jelly my nipples. Ain’t that funny?” The topless waitress stood up and asked, “Do you want some more jelly shots or something else?”
I looked at the bartender, who eyed me and said, “Just some regular drink of your choice.”
The topless waitress went to the bar and started arguing with the bartender, calling him a 'moron'. She then left to serve other customers, but occasionally glanced my way with a smile. Another topless waitress brought me a drink. I looked around at the strippers dancing, and after some time, deckhand Eric reappeared, looking pumped up and happy as he sat down next to me.
I said, “Well, what happened?”
Deckhand Eric said, “That Cindy is so gorgeous. She stripped down and gave me a lap dance. She was all over me, and I was forbidden to move or touch her, but she made me so crazy rubbing all over me. Eventually, she moved her pussy in front of my face, and I couldn’t help the urge to lick it. When I did it, I thought she would call the bouncers, but luckily, she just moved away and smiled.”
I said, “What happened next?”
Deckhand Eric said, “Nothing. She stopped the dance, talked to me a little bit while she was dressing up, and here I am.”
We left soon after and went back to the ship.
The ship left the port, and after a few days at sea, bosun Lemmy gathered us to wash the cargo holds. It was so cold, and one of the ABs was always on the bridge wing, freezing out there on the lookout for icebergs. We had no real winter clothing—just 2-3 layers of clothes with some straps of garbage bags and duct tape. We washed the holds, and our hobo apocalypse outfits didn’t protect us one bit. Soon, we were all wet to the bone. The water was cold like liquid ice, and we just shivered, dangling those hoses around with amplified tremors.
I said, “It is so cold!”
Bosun Lemmy said, “We all are, just a little longer.”
Marlboro Man said, “Then just six more holds to go after this one.”
Bosun Lemmy said, “Best we stay here until this is done; no coffee time or anything until we finish it, because outside the wind is blowing. If we go up and down a few times, we are toast. Tomorrow we’ll do the other one.”
No one opposed, and we stayed until the job was finished.
As soon as I entered my cabin, I jumped into the warm shower. No matter how long I showered, the pain in my bones remained, like they were made of ice, trying to freeze me from the inside. I could only imagine what the older crew members felt, as I was young and in my prime years. I barely slept, my bones cold and pulsing like a heartbeat. I struggled to get up in the morning, still feeling cold inside, and got dressed. When I stepped outside my cabin, I saw deckhand Eric waiting.
I said, “My bones are stone cold; no matter what I do, I cannot warm them up.”
Deckhand Eric said, “Same here, now we know how Wolverine felt with all that adamantium inside him.”
I smiled.
A huge motorman passed by and said, “Be careful not to catch a cold in your bladder. That is a serious disease; you will struggle with it for years.”
Marlboro Man stopped by and said, “Only bacteria will create that problem for you, not cold weather.”
Huge Motorman said, “I know this guy who had problems for years after working in cold weather.”
Marlboro Man walked away, saying, “Like I said, bacteria. Bacteria!”
Bosun Lemmy also passed by and said, “If the cold would infect our bladder, then we would all have it by now.”
I was scared about whether I could catch this cold in my bladder and suffer for years; I wasn’t sure whom to believe. The next six days were extremely hard physically and mentally due to the cold, but eventually, I realized that I didn’t catch any cold bladder infection. At least there was one stone less to worry about, although I felt the cold in my bones for the next few weeks.
One day, AB Silver came to my cabin and said, “Come on quick, you have to see this.” A long the way, he gathered anyone he saw. He led us to a second deck hallway where beer bottles were rolling from one side of the corridor to the other. As we rounded the corner, we saw Bosun Lemmy lying flat on the floor in his underwear. With each roll of the ship, Bosun Lemmy and the bottles slid from one side to the other.
I asked, “What happened?”
Marlboro Man said, “He was mostly alone or with the Captain, no one wanted to hang out with him anymore, and he cracked.”
The crew disbanded and left Bosun Lemmy there on the floor to roll around.
The next day at lunchtime, I ate some unsavory food, and while I chewed the food, I stumbled upon something ceramic, like a tile or something strange in my mouth. I spat it out, and it was a piece of tooth.
AB Silver, who was seated across from me, said, “Kid, is that a tooth?”
I said, “Can’t be mine. I don’t feel any pain.” I used my tongue to browse through my teeth and felt a missing part on the upper left second molar and something stuck on the upper right second molar. I pried it out with my finger, only to realize I had broken a part of my upper right second molar. I set the broken piece down on my plate, not believing my eyes.
Huge Motorman, who was seated on my left, said, “It’s bad nutrition. Don’t you drink any food supplements and vitamins?”
I just sat there and stared at my teeth on my plate.
Marlboro Man said, “It’s this junk, half-cooked, baked stuff that we are eating. Look at our teeth. They are all yellow from that tea we keep drinking to satiate our hunger.”
AB Silver said, “I almost replaced my anti-caries toothpaste with the whitening one. I don’t smoke, and I struggle to keep them mildly yellow from all this tea.”
AB Silver and Huge Motorman looked at each other’s teeth. Half of the crew compared their teeth, and mostly everyone had yellowish teeth.
I said, “I just can’t believe this. These are my teeth.”
AB Silver said, “Kid, you have been here how long…already seven months without minerals and vitamins!?”
Huge Motorman handed me his bottle of vitamin pills and said, “Here, drink one of these every day.”
I said, “Thanks, but what about you?”
Huge Motorman said, “I have some spare. Just remember to buy some and stock up at the next port.”
AB Silver asked, “Can you eat, kid?”
I tried chewing and didn’t feel any pain, just some food would get stuck inside and around both broken teeth. I replied, “I guess I can; I don’t feel any pain. Just the food is going inside my broken tooth.”
Huge Motorman said, “You need to clean them well and keep them clean. Just try to slowly eat and chew with your front teeth for now.”
I said, “Well, this will be fun.” I just thought in my head, “No wonder that neanderthal AB has rotten and missing teeth. I hope I don’t end up like that.”
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