I was called into the office for a meeting to discuss the next ship because they wanted to send me as the 3rd Officer on deck. When I entered the office, an agent was seated behind the desk, and an older person was on the right side of the room. I didn’t pay attention to the older person, as people come and go all the time in the office.
The agent said, “Sit down, Jack. Please.”
I sat down.
The agent asked, “What did you hear about Captain Grug Despicable?”
I said, “I heard of him, but that’s about it. Never met him.”
The agent asked, “Did you maybe hear what kind of Captain he is, from your father or anyone else?”
I replied, “What do you mean?”
The agent said, “Like, is he good to the crew, or does he lead with an iron fist?”
I said, “I never heard anything about him. I guess he is a good Captain.”
The agent smiled and said, “Ok then. So, Captain Despicable, what do you think?”
The older person replied, “He will do fine.”
I took an interest in his first word, “he”; it was stretched or emphasized. I looked better at this older person. He had a bald round head with a huge reddish nose, and he was a little reddish on the neck and cheeks. He was dressed in a red polo shirt and blue jeans. If it weren’t for the reddish color of his face from the alcohol, he would be a spitting image of Gru from the animated movie Despicable Me. There was something in his posture and eyes that portrayed evil. This vile person looked at me with his evil eyes; it felt like he looked at me for my weaknesses.
The agent said to me, “Well, Jack, that’s it. Here, sign these papers to serve as the Third Officer.”
I signed the papers, and the agent handed me the boarding instructions. The agent pointed out a bag near the door, filled with working shoes and officer overalls.
The agent said, “There are your clothes. I wish you calm seas.”
I stood up and said, “Goodbye.”
The agent and Captain Vile observed me as I left the office. The whole conversation felt like entrapment. I always wondered what would have happened if I had known beforehand what kind of person Captain Vile was and had said something. Would it have been the end of my career?
In a few days, I followed the boarding instructions and arrived at a public parking lot. There was a bus with a sign that read, “MARINER TRANSPORT.” A lot of people with luggage were standing there.
The driver of the bus came to me and said, “Are you here for the ship?”
I said, “Yes. I’m Jack Tanner.”
The bus driver looked at his list and said, “Ok, Jack, you’re on the list. Put your luggage below and take a seat inside.”
I nodded and placed my suitcase in the bus's luggage compartment.
An adult man squeezed his luggage next to mine. He had a rugged and weathered appearance, with a round face and a slightly stocky build. His features included a prominent nose, deep-set eyes, and a strong jawline. He said, “Just enough space. Hi there, I’m Frank, the Second Officer on deck.”
I said, “Hi. I’m Third Officer Jack.”
Frank asked, “First time as Third Officer?”
I replied, “Yes. I just wonder, why so many people? Are we all going?”
Frank said, “Yup. Didn’t they tell you!? We are taking over the ship from a foreign crew.”
I said, “No. They just acted weird and asked me if I know anything about Captain Grug, while the Captain was sitting in the office.”
Frank said, “That’s Grug, alright. Little tip: just do your duties, and you’ll be fine. Before you know it, the contract will be over.”
I said, “Thanks. I guess.”
An elderly, strong man with a mustache and an unshaved beard placed his luggage in the bus. His face was long and angular, with high cheekbones, a strong jawline, and a slightly furrowed brow that added to his stern expression. His deep-set eyes were framed by slightly heavy lids. His nose was prominent and somewhat hooked, adding to his distinctive, almost intimidating look.
Frank said to this elderly man, “Hey, Cool Hand, long time no see.”
Cool Hand said, “Hi Frank. Bye Frank!” as he entered the bus.
I asked, “Why did you call him Cool Hand?”
Frank smiled and replied, “Because his hand is always in the fridge.”
The bus driver shouted, “Everyone inside, we will leave soon.”
I said, “Well, off we go, Frank.”
Frank noted with his hand that I should go first, so I went inside and took a random seat. Everyone got on the bus, and the driver closed the door. While on the road, I overheard Cool Hand complain, “That Captain and this ship. Just dandy. I will probably have to torch my entire cabin and the toilets. Damn. Just great.”
After a long journey, we arrived at a medium Ro-Ro ship. The superstructure was just one floor stretched over the entire ship. A human figure stood on the top, dressed in a red shirt and blue pants. As we walked to the ship, Frank was beside me.
Frank said, “That’s Grug, alright.”
Some other figure appeared near the Captain. He looked like Sancho Panza, the companion of Don Quixote.
I said, “Who is that man beside him?”
Frank pulled his luggage and said, “Probably the Chief Engineer.”
We arrived at the ghost ship. It seems the old crew was long gone.
Cool Hand said, “Just dandy.”
Captain Vile and Chief Engineer Sancho waited for us on the accommodation deck.
Captain Vile said, “I want this ship up and running. Get to work.”
My ears noted again Captain Vile’s different tone when pronouncing certain words in the sentence. We all walked randomly in the accommodation superstructure and looked for our rank tags on the cabin doors. The interior of the ship was okay, like a used car from the '70s. I found the 3rd Officer's cabin and got dressed in working overalls.
Frank stopped by and said, “It’s your birthday today!?”
I said, “Hmm, yes, it is.”
Frank said, “You should buy everyone a drink.”
I said, “The slop chest is open, or?”
Frank said, “I have the keys, so it will be open. Let’s take a look.”
I followed Frank to the slop chest, and when he opened it, the only thing drinkable inside was a few carton packs of cheap cooking wine. One pack contained 12 pieces, each piece was a liter, so in total, it was 12 liters.
I said, “Since you have so much to offer, I’ll take one pack of this supreme wine.”
Frank laughed, picked up two cartons, and said, “One is for your birthday, and one is on me.”
Frank carried the wine to the starboard side where most of the workers were gathered.
Cool Hand said, “Oho. What’s the occasion?”
Frank said, “It’s Jack’s birthday.”
Everyone said, “Happy birthday, Jack.”
Chief Engineer Sancho protruded his head from the door, and soon his body followed. He said, “What’s the commotion?”
Frank said, “It’s Jack’s birthday.”
Chief Engineer Sancho took 1 liter of wine and said, “Happy birthday, Jack.”
The crew worked and drank all afternoon.
Captain Vile showed up after some time and said, “What is going on!?”
Chief Engineer Sancho, who was drunk, said, “Relax, it’s Jack’s birthday.”
Captain Vile looked at me and said, “How am I going to sail with a drunk crew!?”
Frank, half drunk, stuttered, “We are leaving in three days, so no problem, Captain.”
Captain Vile looked very displeased and left. The crew was happy and partied for the rest of the day.
The next morning, the crew painted the main garage, and I tested out some of the safety stencils I prepared.
Captain Vile passed by and said, “Looking good, Third.”
Over the next few days, I stenciled and painted all the required safety notices. The departure was delayed.
Frank passed by and said, “Nice job. It looks by the book.”
Captain Vile came and said, “This doesn’t look right and that one over there. What is this, Third?”
I said, “It’s a speed limit.”
Captain Vile said, “Don’t you know how a traffic sign looks like? It should be round, red, and white.”
I said, “But we can’t use road signs. We have safety regulations, and this is all by the book.”
Captain Vile said, “Don’t you safety me. You have no clue what you are talking about.”
I said, “But Captain, I read this from the safety book for ships, and I did everything to the letter.”
Captain Vile said, “You see, Third. I’m the Captain, so that means I know more than you’ll ever know, and you will do as I say. Got it.”
I said, “Ok! Got it.”
Captain Vile walked away.
For some reason, I noticed that Captain Vile’s stretched or emphasized words didn’t sit well with my nerves. It reminded me of some tone for an upper value than the rest of us peasants.
The next 3 days I created new road signs. Cool Hand used to pass and nod his head when he saw me paint. Frank was nervous because I used up all his old charts to create these new stencils. During the voyage, the whole ship was painted and stenciled. Every single detail had to be redone, fixed, or updated. The crew worked 24/7, and Captain Vile flourished.
In the next port, I was on watch. My station was to guard the car loading ramp that was lowered on the dock.
I saw an inspector in the distance and used my portable VHF radio, “Inspector is coming.”
Captain Vile said on the portable VHF radio, “I’m coming down.”
Both the inspector and Captain Vile came at the same time and met on the ramp. They talked for a little bit and walked further inside.
I could hear the inspector who said, “This is not by the safety regulation. This is no good.”
Captain Vile said, “The Third Officer did this. He has no clue. We’ll fix it.”
I was there with a stain on my file and nothing else to do but redo the whole safety stencils on the ship.
Later, Frank came by and said, “Captain told me to tell you that you need to redo all the safety stencils properly this time.”
I said, “But I did. You saw it, everyone did.”
Frank said, “I know, but there is nothing you can do, except start over. It’s the way it is.”
After we departed, I worked on proper stencils, and Captain Vile would pass here and there to overlook and smile like he enjoyed it. After it was finished, it looked bad, like some old ship full of paint patches.
On the deck, I saw Cool Hand and Captain Vile near the starboard side gangway.
Cool Hand said, “We need to take apart the gangway and do an overhaul.”
Captain Vile said, “No. No. No. Only cover the rust spots with paint.”
Cool Hand looked at Captain Vile, who walked away with a stance of greatness.
During my evening watch, the ship experienced a blackout. Everything went dead, and the emergency batteries kicked in.
Captain Vile came to the bridge and said, “What is it, Third, a blackout?”
I said, “Yes, Captain, batteries are on, switching to manual.” I stood behind the helm and guided the ship against the waves. Captain Vile nodded as his lips tightened.
Captain Vile called the engine room on the phone and said, “Status.”
A group of crewmembers came on the bridge with lifejackets on. They overlapped their voices, “Abandon ship.”
“We are doomed.”
“The ship will sink.”
“What do we do?”
“Captain, give us orders.”
“There was no alarm.”
“Call rescue.”
“Help us.”
“We will drown.”
Captain Vile hung up the phone and said, “You really think that small lifeboat will save us? If the ship goes down, we’re done. Now get off the bridge.”
The crew was speechless, and they slowly left the bridge like sad dogs with their tails between their legs.
Captain Vile looked at my calmness and said, “There is no room for panic on a ship.”
The ship’s engine and power were restored in a short while, and we continued normally with our navigation.
As we approached the next port, I was stationed forward with my crew that consisted of bosun Cool Hand and OS Herbert, an elderly tall man who had lost his marbles, at least some of them.
Captain Vile on portable VHF radios said, “Bosun, prepare the starboard gangway.”
Cool Hand used his portable VHF radio and said, “But the gangway is not working.”
Captain Vile said on portable VHF radios, “What do you mean it doesn’t work?”
Cool Hand used his portable VHF radio and said, “I did as you instructed me. Instead of doing an overhaul, we painted over the rust spots.”
Frank said on portable VHF radios, “Lower the port side gangway.”
Cool Hand used his portable VHF radio and said, “Ok, port side gangway.”
After we boarded the pilot and approached the dock, Captain Vile said on portable VHF radios, “Bridge to forward.”
I used my portable VHF radio and said, “Go ahead.”
Captain Vile said on portable VHF radios, “Bridge to forward.”
I used my portable VHF radio and said, “Yes, Captain, go ahead.”
Captain Vile said on portable VHF radios, “Bridge to forward.”
I looked at Cool Hand and said, “Can’t he hear me?”
Cool Hand handed me his portable radio and said, “Here, try with mine, it worked before.”
Captain Vile said on portable VHF radios, “Bridge to forward.”
I used Cool Hand's portable VHF radio and said, “Captain. Captain, do you read? This is forward.”
Frank said on portable VHF radios, “You must say forward to bridge.”
Cool Hand took his portable VHF radio and waved his hand as he shook his head.
I used my portable VHF radio and said, “Forward to bridge, go ahead.”
Captain Vile said on portable radios, “Bridge to forward, now I can hear you. Please prepare 2 springs, 2 breast lines, and 2 headlines.”
I used my portable VHF radio and said, “Forward to bridge. Understood, prepare 2 springs, 2 breast lines[1], and 2 headlines.”
I said to Cool Hand, “What a guy, huh? He can’t hear me until I give him the correct phrase he has in his head.”
Cool Hand mumbled nervously in his beard, “Why Grug? Why? Just dandy,” as he walked around.
[1] Breast line - a type of mooring line that runs perpendicular to the ship's centerline and helps keep the ship close to the dock, preventing it from moving away.
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