I walked to the forward end of the ship and saw Bosun Cool Hand slack a headline rope with the winch. As I came closer, I heard someone yell from below. Cool Hand looked at me and pulled the winch lever to pick up the rope, but he abruptly stopped it halfway up, and I heard a splash. I looked aside and saw a young boy in the sea.
Cool Hand said, “These bloody stowaways.” He picked up the slack on the headline, and I set the rat guard back on the rope. Cool Hand then remarked, “These won’t help against two-foot vermin.”
I said, “I know. What about that boy? He tried to climb the rope?”
Cool Hand said, “I already dipped three of them. They are like rats. When they get their hands on a rope, they are really fast.”
The boy yelled something from the sea as he swam to the shore. A policeman on the shore just walked like nothing happened.
I said, “The police are just ignoring this?”
Cool Hand said, “Yes. If they manage to get on one of these ships, it’s one less problem for them.”
I asked, “Where do you think they are going?”
Cool Hand replied, “Who knows. I guess any more civilized country is better for them than this.”
I looked at the boy who swam to a pack of people on the dock. They all had small bags on their backs, and some of them had big sticks with hooks on top. The sticks had a few horizontal pieces of wood tied, and it looked like a makeshift ladder. They all jumped in the sea where the boy was, and they swam to the ship on our left. I observed their behavior with Cool Hand.
Cool Hand said, “Look at these little critters.”
They reached the front end of the ship, where there was a closed ramp on the side. At the bottom of the ramp, there was a small flat area resembling a step. They hooked their homemade ladders onto the step and climbed up. They cheered and hugged each other, but soon realized they couldn't go any further from there. Eventually, they left and swam away. The policeman on the dock showed little interest, merely looking at them and laughing at their failure.
Cool Hand said, “I think we are good for now. I’ll organize the crew to watch the lines 24/7.”
I said, “Good. I’m definitely not coming here again.”
Cool Hand laughed.
Some voice from the dock said, “Help me, sir.”
I walked to the other side and looked down.
There was a small boy with a bag, and he said, “Let me up… I be good… I make no problem.”
I said, “Beat it, kid.”
The small boy said, “You no help me… you pig… eat shit… infidel.”
I just ignored him and went back to the middle of the forecastle. I said to Cool Hand, “Forward is all yours.”
Cool Hand said, “I got it, Jack.”
I walked back to the superstructure as I had it for one day with this port.
After we left the port, I looked for Cool Hand. I wanted him to give me some paint so that I could mark the difference between CO2 and powder extinguishers. I found him in the forecastle.
Cool Hand looked at me and said, “Well, Mr. Curious, did you hear? The deck crew is going to scrub and paint the engine room while the engineers watch us do their work. Huh. How about that. Just dandy.”
I said, “No, I haven’t. Don’t understand the logic behind this.”
Cool Hand said, “Logic. The logic is he enjoys making people suffer to cure his frustrated, miserable life. I bet at home his wife is the boss grinding him, so in return, now he is grinding us.”
I said, “It seems to me like you share some history with him.”
Cool Hand said, “There was a ship destined for scrap, and the company sent it to a ship graveyard. Just some third world country where you ram your ship on the beach, and they salvage it. We had to wait a month for our spot to be cleared, and our dear Captain thought long and hard. After days of consideration, he finally gave us the order to restore the ship.”
I said, “What do you mean restore the ship? It’s bound for scrap.”
Cool Hand looked stressed and said, “Chipping rust, painting, and repairing everything we can, working every day from 06 in the morning to 21 in the evening. Dinner was at 22 in the evening.”
I asked, “But why?”
Cool Hand said, “Because the crew had to earn every penny with blood and sweat. You can’t just lay around for a month waiting to get free money. No, no, you must suffer.”
I said, “But this isn’t even his company. I wonder if the company even knew what he was doing.”
Cool Hand said, “Now you see, Mr. Curious. I wonder who let that Vile spawn become a Captain. At the beginning, he was even worse. You’ll get to know him, don’t worry.”
In the next port, I went out again with the Deck Cadet and the Assistant Engineer. The city featured wide boulevards and contemporary buildings. We walked through a lively atmosphere of restaurants, cafes, and shops.
We decided to stop at a club, but the bouncer informed us that we could not enter and pointed to the Assistant Engineer's pants. I looked down and saw that he was wearing shorts.
I was just steamed up and said, “You must be kidding me. What is this now?”
The Assistant Engineer said, “I felt comfortable wearing this.”
I just took a deep breath and said, “Let’s just go to some beach bar. I had enough of you two.”
We found an open bar where people in thongs and casual attire could hang out. We sat down at a free table, and a waitress took our order. The Deck Cadet ordered Jack Daniels. When the waitress returned, she started pouring whiskey into his glass. As the glass was nearly full, the Deck Cadet motioned with his hand that it was enough. The waitress smiled, nodded, and left to serve other customers.
I asked, “You are seriously going to drink all of that!?”
The Deck Cadet replied, “Well sure. I only drink Jack Daniels. I go off the rails when I'm on this stuff.”
I said: “Good to know. I hope you don't need a babysitter once you get loose. I'm not in the mood to run around with a diaper,”
“No worries,” the Deck Cadet assured me.
After a couple of drinks, the Assistant Engineer, mildly intoxicated, said, “I want a blowjob.”
“What the...” I muttered.
The Deck Cadet asked, “Don't you have a girlfriend?”
With a drunk face, the Assistant Engineer replied, “Yes, I do, but technically a blowjob is not cheating.”
I smiled, and the Deck Cadet said, “Can't argue with that. I'm a player[1].”
I leaned over, my eyes overlooking my nose, and said, “You don't look like a player.”
The Deck Cadet boasted, “I collect them as trophies. The harder they are to crack, the harder I try. The longest one took two weeks, but I finally cracked her.”
Drooling, the Assistant Engineer asked, “Any blowjobs?”
The Deck Cadet laughed and said, “Duh. Waitresses are the best for that. One time, I even finished off in her hair and left her there without satisfying her needs.”
I warned, “You are playing with fire. One day, a woman will mess you up,”
The Deck Cadet said, “Had a close call once. For some reason, one night I wasn't up for it, and there was this drink girl who was literally in every man's lap that night, begging to get banged. No one was interested, and eventually, she managed to persuade the barkeep. When she got home, her father saw her drunk with messed-up clothes and her virginity lost. The blood was on her pants. He went berserk, asking what happened, and she said she was raped. The barkeep ended up in jail, marked as a rapist. Later on, she tried to change her story in court, but nobody would let her, as they said she had Stockholm syndrome or whatever.”
The Assistant Engineer said, “Any beautiful girls and blowjobs?”
The Deck Cadet replied, “I tend to avoid really beautiful girls. Every one of them that I trophied was a drug junkie.”
I asked, “Hmm... drugs. Why only beautiful ones?” I asked.
“There are some different types of players out there. They are usually handsome and can sweet-talk girls into using drugs. They promise them everything just to hook them on. Then they dump them and sell them drugs or forward them to a seller,” the Deck Cadet explained.
I remarked, “Nice age we are living in,”
The Deck Cadet said, “I want to dance. Let's go to some club.” He pointed out an open club on top of a building, illuminated with neon lights, and said, “Like that one.”
I looked at the Assistant Engineer as he snoozed over his beer and said, “Ok, but we'll call him a taxi.” I helped the Assistant Engineer up, and we walked to a street where we managed to stop a taxi. I sat the Assistant Engineer in the back seat and wrote the ship's address on a piece of paper.
The Assistant Engineer mumbled, “Blowjob.”
I handed over the address to the taxi driver and said, “Just take him directly to this address. No blowjobs.”
The taxi driver smiled and took off with the Assistant Engineer.
We headed out to the open club. In that building, a lift took us to the top floor. Two bouncers at the entrance were a joke—just some medium-build people with black-painted eyes and dressed in black, probably to look mean, I guess. I was intrigued by this strange approach to portraying ordinary people as bouncers. I approached them and glanced them up and down purely out of curiosity. Our eyes locked, and I could see their fear for some reason. I was dressed in black but double their size, and maybe they saw something in my eyes that scared them. Both bouncers felt threatened and backed away from me with their heads down. We walked inside.
The Deck Cadet said, “They are scared or what? Did you see how funny they look?”
I said, “They probably never met foreigners like us. Maybe for the locals, this kindergarten warpaint works, but not for us. Just embarrassing,” I sat down on a small balcony that overlooked the entire club.
The Deck Cadet ran down into the middle of the crowd to dance. In a short time, he made his way to an empty professional dancer’s podium. He danced and made a fool of himself for a while until some girl from the crowd joined him. The space was made for only one person, and they pushed each other off while they danced. The most memorable part was the butt vs. butt contest—they slammed each other’s butts in various ways. Eventually, he butt-forced her off, and the girl went straight for the bouncers. They came and carried the Deck Cadet outside. I took a deep breath and went outside to look for him. I dragged him back to the ship.
The next day at lunchtime, Captain Vile and Chief Engineer Sancho sat at their small table, just a meter away from our officers' table. I sat down with the CO[2] at the officers' table. He had a sharp face weathered by time. His brow was slightly furrowed, with fine lines etched across his forehead and at the corners of his eyes, hinting at past struggles. His lips were thin and firm, often set in an expression that suggested he had seen more than he let on. His silver-white hair was neatly combed back, though it barely covered the bald spot where his hair was thinning.
Captain Vile said, “Chief, I wrote a bottle of wine on your tab.” The Chief Officer just nodded in response.
The OS, who played the role of a mess boy during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, served the Captain's table with prosciutto, olives, feta cheese, and sliced tomatoes. The OS was unshaved and looked like Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, or in short, Tuco from the movie The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
Captain Vile said, “I looked at the paintings, and there was still dust on them.”
Tuco, the OS, replied, “I will clean them, Captain.”
Captain Vile said, “You told me this several times yesterday.”
Tuco, the OS, insisted, “I will clean them, Captain. Right away. I even have a cloth, see.” He shoved his wrist towel and left for the kitchen. Soon, he arrived with a plate of rice and chicken wings.
Captain Vile said, “What are you eating, Third? Is that chicken wings and rice? You see, Third, one day if you become a Captain, you will eat like kings. Until then, you are a peasant.”
I just listened to Captain Vile speak without any reply, feeling dissatisfied, while Chief Engineer Sancho was stuffing his face with prosciutto, olives, feta cheese, and sliced tomatoes.
Tuco, the OS, said, “Third, you look more like a pizza guy.”
Captain Vile said, “OS, isn't there a thought repeating in that brain of yours? To clean the paintings.”
Tuco, the OS, replied, “I will clean them right away, Captain. Look at me go.” Tuco, the OS, left.
Captain Vile said, “Pizza. You know, Third, who eats pizza? The poor people. They open their fridge and pick up all the leftovers, all the garbage, and spread them on the dough.”
Chief Engineer Sancho, with his mouth stuffed, smiled and said, “That's true. That's why it's called junk food. It's made of junk.”
Captain Vile giggled.
I stood up and left for the kitchen.
I could hear Captain Vile as he said, “You don't like your chicken and wings, Third?” Chief Engineer Sancho and Captain Vile laughed.
In the kitchen, there was a small thin old man dressed in cook's clothing and Tuco, the OS.
Tuco, the OS, said, “What's up, Third? Don't like the company back there?”
I said, “Nope. Didn't know I was a peasant who eats pizza made of garbage.”
Tuco, the OS, said, “At least he didn't charge you a bottle of wine yet.”
I said, “I heard something like he charged a bottle of wine to the CO.”
Tuco, the OS, said, “Captain is a cheap bastard. If you didn't notice, he always wears the same jeans and red polo shirt, every day on every ship, and he brags about how he saves money on clothing.”
The small cook said in a tiny voice, “He makes more money than half of the crew combined and still he charges wine to his officers, so in the ledger he is clean as a whistle; no alcohol is written up, while officers who don't drink will appear as regular alcoholics.”
Tuco, the OS, said, “Be prepared to become an alcoholic.”
I said, “This is all I ever wanted, to be branded as an alcoholic.”
Small Cook said in a tiny voice, “Don’t listen to him, he crashed his car intentionally.”
Tuco the OS laughed and said, “It wasn’t a car, it was an SUV. I was so sleepy after driving all night. Curve after curve, I saw a straight road and thought, 'I’ll just close my eyes for a little bit before the next curve.'“
I laughed.
Tuco the OS continued, “You can guess what happened next. The SUV went off the road, and I literally chopped down a few meters of trees with it.”
I asked, “Were you hurt?”
Tuco the OS replied, “Not a scratch on me.”
I chuckled and said, “Now that’s a story to remember.”
Small Cook, in a tiny voice, said, “He is full of those. Don’t listen to him. Now, Tuco, get to work. You too, boy.”
I smiled and went into my cabin, where I got dressed in leather pants, and then headed out into the city.
[1] Player - someone who seduces women with no intention of commitment, despite what they might tell the woman at the time
[2] CO – chief officer
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