The next day, while I was on the bridge, Captain Stormbeard walked in, dressed in a white shirt. As he made a coffee, he said, “I received a call from the Third Mate who served before you. He wanted to come back and replace you, but I told him to forget my number. Hope you’ll stay with me in the future. I need people like you.”
I said, “Sure, Captain. I love it here.”
Captain Stormbeard took out a cut cigarillo from the chest pocket of his white shirt and said, “Nice to hear that, Jack. I don’t know if you heard, but our new Chief Officer managed to crash the computer for stability calculations.”
I said, “How is that even possible?”
Captain Stormbeard tapped the cigarillo against his chin, and said, “Don’t ask me, Jack. I fucking don’t know. What an … now he will have to do it old school, pen and paper.”
I said, “That shouldn’t be a problem, I think. We transport mostly paper rolls and some containers on deck.”
Captain Stormbeard placed the cigarillo in his mouth, and said, “We’ll see, Jack. We’ll see.”
The Chief Engineer walked in the bridge with his bare feet, disheveled beard, and hair. He said, “Cap, about our problem with the sludge[1] in double bottom tanks. I talked to the engine crew, and since the price for the shore cleaners is 30,000 euros, we will clean it for much less. They hope to get a few thousand euros.”
Captain Stormbeard said, “Ok. I’ll inform the office that the crew will do it. When can you start?”
Chief Engineer said, “We can start today.”
Captain Stormbeard said, “Great. Come with me,” and he and the Chief Engineer left the bridge.
During the night watch, AB Ted was stationed with me, and the weather was rough. It was windy with high waves. The pilot ladder got loose, and one end slipped down the starboard side. The sea banged the pilot ladder against the hull of the ship.
I said, “Ted! I need you to go down there and secure the pilot ladder.”
Ted said, “Whooaaa, wait a minute. First, I must get something to eat.”
I said, “The pilot ladder will be in pieces by then.”
Ted said, “I can’t work on an empty stomach. I feel weak. Do you see the wind out there?”
I looked outside and saw some crew members in raincoats gathering to secure the pilot ladder. I said, “Look at them. I bet they didn’t stop to eat a sandwich.”
Ted said, “Without food, I could faint out there. You wouldn’t want that.”
I shook my head and watched the crew leave the deck. The sea grew much rougher, and the ship struggled against the waves, banging as if navigating through a minefield. It felt like the entire ship, with us inside, was hitting a brick wall over and over. Captain Stormbeard entered the bridge.
I said, “Captain, the ship is hitting the waves with the fore end hard.”
Captain looked at the radar as the ship followed the course.
I said, “The bad weather will increase. I suggest we turn the ship so we can ride the waves. Our front end is just blunt and cuts the waves poorly.”
Captain Stormbeard said, “Leave it like this for now.”
I nodded, and Captain Stormbeard left the bridge. The weather worsened over time, and the ship banged and shuddered harder with each passing moment. Suddenly, it felt as if we collided with a mountain. The impact was so powerful that it threw AB Ted and me off our feet. We flew from one side of the bridge to the other, along with random items like pencils, charts, and cups.
I stood up and said, “Fuck this!!!” I walked to the steering wheel, turned off the autopilot, and set the wheel to manual.
Ted barely stood up and asked, “What are you going to do?”
I replied, “I will turn the ship. We will ride out the storm.” I timed out the waves and turned the ship so smoothly I could barely believe myself how perfect it went.
Ted cheered and said, “Yahoo. You did it. It was perfect.”
I adjusted the speed to match the waves and set the autopilot on the new course. The ship steadied, riding the waves like a surfboard.
Captain Stormbeard walked onto the bridge with a T-shirt and a pair of white boxer shorts. He grabbed the wheel and shouted, “What did you do! I told you not to change the course! When you changed the course, the hit blew me off my bed!”
I said, “But Captain, the hit was before; it blew us off our feet. Then I decided to change the course.”
Captain Stormbeard shouted, “Don’t lie to me! You turned the ship, and then you got hit by the wave! You could have caused damage to the cargo or the ship!”
Ted said, “He is telling the truth, Captain. He turned the ship after the hit.”
Captain Stormbeard coughed and said, “You are covering for him. I don’t believe you.”
I lowered my head and looked at the floor because he didn’t believe us. Captain Stormbeard said, “Hmm. The ship is calm now. Leave it like this. Jack, you should’ve checked with me before turning the ship.”
I said, “Yes, Captain.”
Captain Stormbeard walked off the bridge. For the rest of the watch, I was depressed because the Captain didn’t believe us.
The next day, I walked into the messroom, and there was the Second Officer with 3rd Engineer Milo. It seemed the 3rd Engineer Milo was sick.
I asked, “Is everything ok?”
Second Officer said, “It seems the vapor from the tank they are cleaning is affecting their health. Especially Third Engineer, his heart and lungs are no good.”
I asked, “Don’t you have masks?”
3rd Engineer Milo placed his right hand on his chest and barely said, “We have nothing, you know. The smell is just terrible. A few of the men puked from it, you know. Some were dizzy and sick.”
Captain Stormbeard walked in and said, “How is the boy doing?”
Second Officer said, “It’s bad. He had the longest exposure down there, and I think his condition must be checked by a real doctor.”
Captain Stormbeard looked at 3rd Engineer Milo and said, “Ok. Next port, you are going home.”
3rd Engineer Milo whimpered, “This is my reward for helping….” 3rd Engineer Milo couldn’t catch his breath, and Second Officer gave him a mask connected to the oxygen tank.
Second Officer said, “Leave us.”
I left and walked to my father’s cabin.
I knocked, and my father’s voice behind the door said, “Enter.”
I walked in and said, “Did you hear? They will disembark the Third Engineer because he has some medical issues after cleaning the tank.”
My father, dressed in working overalls, was working on the ship model. He said, “I know a lot of people who died in tanks. If they aren’t ventilated properly, you’re gone. One time, the Chief and bosun went missing. AB and OS looked for them. AB walked into the tank and just collapsed. OS quickly ran for help. When the rest of the crew arrived, they realized the air was toxic. A few of them used breathing apparatus to venture inside and save them, but it was too late. They were already gone.”
I said, “Hmmm… I can only imagine what medical issues the rest will have.”
My father said, “About the rest of the crew, they got 300-100 euros. In total, maybe 1000 altogether.”
I said, “But they saved 30,000 euros for the company.”
My father said, “Remember, son, you are always just a number, not a person. They just used them like rags, and now they will get rid of them. The real question is for that poor Third Engineer, ‘Will his health ever improve?’ Maybe his days on the ship are over.”
I was silent, unable to process all this information. A telephone rang on the desk, and my father picked it up and then hung up.
I said, “Why did you hang up the phone?”
My father said, “Because it stopped ringing.”
I said, “But it’s supposed to stop ringing after you pick it up. Then you answer it.”
My father looked at me and laughed. He said, “That is correct. I’m getting old, son.”
I laughed with my father when we heard a voice on the portable VHF radio on his desk, “Bosun. This is Chief Officer. Bosun, respond.”
My father picked up the portable VHF radio and said, “This is bosun, go ahead, Chief.”
Chief Officer Mop said on the portable VHF radio, “Prepare starboard pilot ladder.”
My father used the portable VHF radio and said, “Understood, prepare starboard pilot ladder.” My father stood up.
I said, “I’ll help you out.”
We walked out to the starboard side of the ship's deck and saw the shoreline. We deployed the pilot ladder.
Chief Officer Mop said on the portable VHF radio, “Change in pilot ladder, it’s port side.”
I looked up to the bridge, and Chief Officer Mop was there with his watchful eye. My father said on the portable VHF radio, “Port side pilot ladder.”
I said, “He is up there looking at us.”
My father said, “This thing with pilot ladders, he does it all the time. On the last ship in a canal, he drove the crew nuts. Lower port, after they placed the pilot ladder, he would say pick it up and lower the other one. A few of the crew members went on the bridge to throw him overboard.”
I said, “Guess he still didn’t learn nothing.”
My father said, “That man will never learn. We would be better off talking to a tree.”
I helped my father fold the starboard pilot ladder and prepare the port one.
After the ship berthed in the port of destination, I was with my father near the gangway.
Chief Officer Mop came by with a cargo plan in his hands and said with a squeaky voice, “Here are the plans for the container deck. There are a few dangerous containers, so I made the plan according to the level of danger.”
I took the paper and said, “Ok. We will put the nonstandard adapters on the entire deck.”
Chief Officer Mop looked at me and said with a squeaky voice, “Adapters!?”
My father said, “This supplier uses wider nonstandard containers because they can fit two pallets side by side. They just sit tight, and there is no need for additional lashing. That’s why we need to use adapters for them.”
Chief Officer Mop scratched his head and said in a squeaky voice, “Hmm, this will change my calculations.” He then left us and walked into the superstructure.
I looked at my father, and we both chuckled. I helped my father set these 50 kg adapters across the entire empty deck. The dock workers started to organize on shore as the cargo loading schedule approached.
Chief Officer Mop speed-walked to us and said with a squeaky voice, “This is the new plan. I had to make adjustments.”
I took the new plan and said, “Ok.”
Chief Officer Mop left. My father and I quickly moved around these 50 kg adapters. I felt like my lung was going to pop out from my mouth.
My father said, “We could get hernias; these things are so heavy.”
A port foreman approached us. He was an unshaved blond man dressed in work clothes, with a reflection jacket and safety helmet. He said, “Hello. Do you have loading plans?”
Panting, I took a breath and said, “Yes. Here you go.”
Port foreman took the papers and said, “Luckily for both of us, we are loading our containers. Last time we burnt out the engine on the crane. The declaration was false.”
I asked, “Isn’t there a safety fuse?”
Port foreman replied, “Yes, there is, but the operator disabled it because he thought he could lift it. But all he did was burn the crane engine.”
The crane operator honked and waved at the foreman, who nodded and guided the operator on where to set the containers and in which order to stack them. As soon as we loaded two containers, Chief Officer Mop appeared out of thin air and said in a squeaky voice, “There is a new plan. The old one is not good.”
My father said, “What are you talking about? You can’t change plans every twenty minutes.”
Chief Officer Mop responded with a squeaky voice, “Know your place, Bosun.”
My father shouted, “My place! I’m out of here before I throw you off the deck, you incompetent fool. And you can move these fucking adapters yourself.” Then he left.
The port foreman took the new papers and called his men in the local language via portable VHF radio. The crane operator removed the containers from the deck, while numerous workers came from shore to move the adapters. Chief Officer Mop walked away to the superstructure. The crane operator prepared to load other containers according to the new designated plan. After the dock workers left the ship, only the foreman remained with me.
Once three containers were loaded, Chief Officer Mop appeared again and said in a squeaky voice, “There was a change in the plan.”
The port foreman took the plan from the Chief Officer, tore it apart, and threw it on the deck. He said, “No change!”
Chief Officer Mop said in a squeaky voice, “You can’t do that.”
The port foreman tapped his right-hand finger on the plan he had in his left hand and shouted, “No change!”
Chief Officer Mop picked up his torn-up plan and left. The port foreman talked shortly on the portable VHF radio. He used the local language to speak to them.
The port foreman said to me, “I called my boss; he will tell your Captain this Chief Officer is an idiot.”
Chief Officer Mop said on the portable VHF radio, “Third Officer, please report to the pump room.”
I said on the portable VHF radio, “Understood, report to the pump room.” I walked down to the pump room. Inside was only Chief Officer Mop who said in a squeaky voice, “Empty the double bottoms first.”
I replied, “While loading containers on deck, we always emptied the side tanks. Double bottoms are emptied when we load the main and lower deck.”
Chief Officer Mop said in a squeaky voice, “No…no… no. My calculations show me the correct procedure.”
I said, “But…”
Chief Officer Mop interrupted me and said in a squeaky voice, “Don’t ‘but’ me. I told you what to do. I’m the Chief Officer here.”
I said, “OK, Chief Officer.” I activated the double bottom discharge sequence. Chief Officer walked away and 3rd Engineer DJ walked in.
I said, “Hey man, you’re back already.”
3rd Engineer DJ said, “Yeah man. Don’t ask.”
I said, “What…the company asked you for a favor!?”
3rd Engineer DJ said, “Aah man. I came home and my girlfriend took all my savings and went to her parents.”
I asked, “The money wasn’t in the bank!?”
3rd Engineer DJ said, “Yeah man. We had a shared account, man.”
I laughed and said, “Sorry that I laughed, and I’m sorry that this happened to you. How much money are we talking about?”
3rd Engineer DJ replied, “Man, 16k. That’s not all; I even bought a car in her name. She took that too.”
I got nervous and asked with a serious tone, “What did you do?”
3rd Engineer DJ shrugged his shoulders and said, “Nothing, man. I came back here, man.”
I got rattled up and said, “She took everything, and you did nothing? I would tow that car into the junkyard, have them press it into a cube, and return it to her... And the money... you know this job is... ‘A bread with seven crusts,’ as my mother used to say.”
3rd Engineer DJ shook his head and said, “Don’t want to talk about it, man. See ya around.” With his head down, 3rd Engineer DJ left the room.
It took me some time for my blood pressure to go down, as this story blew all the switches in my brain. After a few hours had passed, the ship started to list to the starboard side. I looked at the inclinometer and muttered to myself, “We lost stability. That idiot.” I stopped the pumps, and the ship stuttered and bumped hard on something. Tremors passed throughout the ship's structure. I climbed out of the pump room and saw a heavy-duty truck leaning on the lower deck passage.
The truck driver shouted, “What is going on! Are we going to flip over?”
I ran out onto the dock and saw the ship's ice fenders leaning against it. The ship had an ice fender made from a hull that stretched along the entire vessel. Luckily, this saved the ship; it stopped the ship from tilting further. Some bollards were damaged, and the dock was cracked. I rushed back to the pump room and initiated the pumps to refill the double bottoms and empty the side tanks.
Chief Officer Mop, all confused, walked in and asked in a squeaky voice, “What happened?”
I exclaimed, “I followed your orders, and look where it got us. The ship almost tilted over.”
Chief Officer Mop said in a squeaky voice, “Don’t point the finger at me. You were handling the pumps, so it is your responsibility.”
I shouted, “What…get out! Get out of my sight!” as I pushed Chief Officer Mop out and closed the door. Watching the inclinometer, I returned the ship's stability.
Then, I walked out to the dock and saw my crew members securing huge chunks of concrete to the bollards with orange cord strap lashings. The ship was slightly bumped under the ice fender, with the paint scratched. I went inside the main deck to monitor cargo operations and pump control. The rest of the cargo operation went smoothly under my control. We left the port without 3rd Engineer Milo. No one from the port talked to us or issued any tickets. The port remained demolished with orange cord straps everywhere. I went to my cabin and fell asleep on my bed.
The next day, I was awoken by a commotion in front of my door. I opened the door and saw engineers standing around a big sausage-like object on the floor that was 30 cm long and had a diameter of around 5 cm. One of the engineers held a sewage pipe while the other one laughed. I noticed a ceiling panel on the side, and I looked up. I saw a disassembled ceiling cover and sewage pipe system.
As AB Ted approached us, I asked, “What is going on?”
The laughing engineer replied, “And here is the owner!” Both engineers laughed.
I looked at the floor and realized that it was not a sausage on the floor but a big, oversized poop. I looked at Ted and said, “Wait, this thing is yours? How is that even possible!”
Both engineers cried from laughter.
AB Ted said, “No... no… this… isn’t mine.”
The engineer who held the sewage pipe said, “This is the sewage junction from your cabin, and you reported that the vacuum toilet stopped working.”
Another engineer said, “No wonder it stopped, look at that. We should call a scientist to examine that thing.”
The engineer who held the sewage pipe said, “They should examine him! Do you see the diameter of that thing? What kind of anus do you have?”
Another engineer remarked, “He is definitely not a virgin anymore,” and both engineers burst into laughter.
AB Ted, red in the face, said, “You got it wrong, that isn’t mine,” and walked away in shame.
The alarm clock rang on the watch in my cabin, and it was time for me to go to my morning duty on the bridge. I said, “I can’t believe this is happening. I feel like someone will jump out and say it’s a hidden camera show.”
The engineer who held the sewage pipe said, “We should call the hazmat team or CDC to deal with this.”
I said, “The size is so unreal. Anyway, have fun guys, must go to work.” Both engineers waved at me in laughter.
I arrived at the bridge, and there was Chief Officer Mop.
Chief Officer Mop said in a squeaky voice, “You and your father stole pictures from the recreation room.”
I said nervously, “I did no such thing.”
Chief Officer Mop said in a squeaky voice, “I know it was you. You and your father are a cancer on this ship.”
I said, “Really? This is because we are competent workers, not some relatives with basic IQ. You were lucky the ship is still intact. You should be stripped of your rank.”
Captain Stormbeard walked in and said, “What is this ruckus?”
Chief Officer Mop, with a squeaky voice, said, “He and his father stole pictures from the recreation room.”
Captain Stormbeard coughed and said, “No, they didn’t. I took them.”
Chief Officer Mop was speechless and confused.
Captain Stormbeard said, “If you wonder why. Don’t worry, you’ll find out in the next port. Now get off the bridge.” Chief Officer Mop left the bridge.
Captain Stormbeard said, “Carry on, Jack,” and then left the bridge.
I stayed on my watch and wondered what would happen in the next port.
After the watch, I went down to the messroom and saw my father arguing with OS Hun in the TV room. I leaned on the door and said, “Hello!”
My father looked at OS Hun and said, “Get out, Hun. Get out of my sight.” OS Hun left without breaking a sweat.
I nodded to my father, and he said, “That Hun is incredible. The Chief told him to clean the TV room, and he literally threw everything overboard, from DVDs to magazines. I can’t believe this guy.”
I looked around the room and noticed that all the shelves were empty; only the TV, DVD player, and furniture remained.
I chuckled and said, “Good thing he didn’t throw the TV and the furniture overboard.”
My father said, “It’s not funny. Every day, we must repeat orders to him; otherwise, he will just stand in one place like a plant. Every day: clean this, mop that, just daily duties. Even one time I gave him paint to paint a section on deck, and he said he was done. After I checked, he barely painted anything right, so I said, ‘Next time if you plan to do a lousy job like this, don’t do anything, just throw the paint overboard.’ The next day, I gave him the bucket with paint, and he just walked over to the side and dumped it in the sea. I asked him, ‘What did you do?’ And can you guess what he said, ‘You said if I do a bad job, I can just throw it overboard. I did as you said.’”
I laughed and said, “Well, at least he remembered that part for the next day. Don’t know if you heard; Mop accused us of stealing some paintings, and it turned out the Captain took them. Can you imagine that guy?”
My father, furious, just mumbled in his beard and waved his hand to leave him in peace. I nodded and left for the messroom to eat lunch.
At the next port, we were pleasantly surprised to find a whole bus waiting for us. It was a complete crew change, with some foreign workers. A sign on the bus read “Airport.” We gathered our belongings and stood in front of the bus. Suddenly, AB Ted punched Chief Officer Mop in the face. I got on the bus, and my father sat beside me. I asked, “Why did Ted punch Mop?”
My father said, “He believes that it is his fault we are all being replaced with some foreigners.”
I said, “I see.”
My father said, “It’s probably not that simple. Remember that scamming Chief Officer Robert? I think he was involved in this and a lot of other things, but this incident with Mop just sealed what was inevitable.”
At the airport, we all got random seats, separated from each other. The plane felt quiet and depressed, but it took us home.
[1] Sludge - residual waste generated during the normal operation of a vessel mainly resulting from purification of oil
Write a comment ...